The Red Wall (part 1)

I’m sure you could imagine the look of surprise on his face when he woke up not only on the floor, but also in a octagonal room with a door on each wall. Although Vince had been looking for a change of scenery, this was not exactly what he had in mind. He would at the very least like to know where he was and also why there were no windows. With a sigh, the boy rose. Now if only he could decide which way to go, though he knew the most important thing was getting out of the room. Something felt terribly wVinceg about being here.

After taking another glance around the room, Vince noticed that this room was more peculiar than he thought even initially. The walls were painted various colors: green here, red there, yellow, purple, orange, black, grey, and blue. Each of the doors appeared to be made of a marvelous chrome, and quite shiny.

Vince headed towards the red wall with a shrug. It seemed just as good as any. He grabbed onto the door handle and gave it a tug, noting that it was surprisingly heavy. Once he got it open, he took a step through and was surprised at what he saw. her and those wonderful green eyes. He turned and looked over his shoulder to find the door he once walked through was no longer there. All he could see was that oh so familiar parking lot, and that terrible black fence.

“Do you think I’m going to get a lot of attention and look cool? I’m getting picked up in a cutlass,” she said. Vince blinked, there was no way he could be here again. “Did you hear me?” Melody asked. “My boyfriend’s picking me up in a cutlass!”

This was it. He couldn’t believe he was back there, that one beautiful day. How much things had changed since then. He laughed out loud. “Yes, I heard you,” he grinned and shook his head. “I think people will definitely look at you, but I’m not so sure you’ll look cool….just funny,” Vince answered. Melody just looked at him, he could see the excitement in her eyes.

Just taking a second

I’ve got some good news and some bad news.

Good news is I finally got up off my butt for a couple days, and took a couple hardcore walks. I have to say, this went very well for me. Despite being chased by a dog, I did manage to walk (who knows what distance) and I’ve started losing some weight. I think I’m going to start trying to establish this as a habit for a while. Despite how annoying it may seem at the time, it is rewarding and does seem to be a good habit. Productive to say the least, maybe I’ll use it to see just how much fat I really can lose and then work from there.

Bad news is, I don’t really have too much else to say. Right now, I’m just trying to figure out what to get everyone for Christmas, and that sort of stuff. Especially trying to find a budget for it when I know that my income is all pretty much disposable, aside from the fact that I’m saving up just in general. (or rather trying to)

More good news: Last night I started going through my external hard drive and trying to clean it a bit, ultimately I just fell asleep. Until then though I was doing a pretty effective job. Just have a couple things left to get rid of, I happily deleted anything that hasn’t been used in the last say….year? If not longer in some cases.

Teardrop.

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Feathers on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me, makes me lighter
Feathers on my breath.

^Massive attack…wonderful group, wonderful song.

Not completely why I’m here though. Last night, I spent a bit of time with both my girlfriend and (non-blood) brother for the first time in ages. Due to conflicting schedules, that brother of mine and I just don’t get to hang too much as of late. It was nice being around both of them though. If there’s anything I would classify as family right now, it would be the 2 of them. They’ve been around enough to have seen just about every side of me, and still be around. To me, that’s the difference between family and friends. Yes, I have some really close friends as well that I still keep in touch with, but it’s just not the same by any means.

Christina makes me ponder love and everything I’ve ever thought about it. She brings forth the question of “what am I really ready for?” and “what can I really handle?” but I have also grown quite a bit emotionally and romantically thanks to her. I can’t say I’ve become a different person, but she has done a lot to bring out the person I truly feel I am. If it wasn’t a matter of bringing it out, then it was certainly a matter of finding it.

Over the years I’ve done a lot of soul searching, mainly because it’s just hard to get people to stick around, and for many years of your life, your friends and your relationships define you almost exclusively. Eventually however, there comes a time where you must define yourself. I remember reaching that point where I felt it was necessary, but Christina and my brother Wesley gave me the freedom to find such definition.

Wesley, the guy lived with me for a solid 5 months. Without us ever killing each other, or even attempting to. For him to be the brother I never had (when I indeed have 3 brothers) speaks multitudes on its own. We’re not the exact same, but we work which to me is what family is all about. You don’t have to be the same, it’s a bond you develop, and yet it can’t be developed by just any two people. There’s a lot that goes into it. I like to think so anyways.

Well, turns out I have to get going. So I can go home, and hopefully hang a bit with my homies.

Ciao.

Life is worth living

Today, I went and saw a movie. Not just any movie, but one I honestly wasn’t too interested in as part of a program for work. The movie was Cirque Du Freak, The Vampire’s Assistant (I might pick up the book here in a bit) anyways, in it there is a character that was basically giving up on his life. Just because it sucked. Not only that, but I know several people that have a tendency to do that and think that way.

Honestly, I’m one of those people. I’m pretty sure a rather large number of us are. The thing we ignore (or in some cases just don’t realize) is that on its own, life doesn’t have meaning. The only thing that gives it meaning is time. But without a little help, time’s not really that great of a motivator. The most you can get is “well, maybe things will change some day” unless you really get behind it.

Which, I feel is the reason some people turn to religion and get so completely caught up in it. The idea that God has a plan for you, and that God is always by your side, everything that happens to you is part of some big picture, that makes life much more tolerable doesn’t it? I’m not trying to knock off any religious person in any way by the way. Can you say though that your life has value just because God let you live, or it’s part of Gods plan? So is everyone else in the world apparently.

If you can’t buy into religion (I personally can’t buy into organized religion, though that does not mean I don’t believe in a God, because I most certainly do. I just have my own beliefs) then you better buy into something, even if it’s just yourself. Otherwise, it’s hard not to think that your life is worthless. It turns out that you’re the only person that can actually give some worth to your existence.

No one’s asking you to become president, get famous, grow rich, or be the prettiest person in the world. Unless that’s what you want from yourself I guess. What’s my thing? The thing that keeps me going and reminds me that I make my own path?

Right now it’s my Christina. Other times, it’s only me. I understand that regardless of what I do, she’ll care for me immensely, but my motivation to make an effort to become better each day is that I also want her to have the best. If I’m not perfect, then I don’t need to stop moving. Anything I can do that makes either myself happy or her happy is a good thing in my book. If she’s happy, I’ll be happy. That’s just how things work for me.

The other thing that can make or break me is my Playstation 3. The day I got it and Rock Band, this little behemoth became my life. Or rather my life began to revolve around it. They are not lying when they say “It only does everything”, I’ve found a way to incorporate it into pretty much all planes of my existence. (Wait, now I really do feel the need for a PSP…or Aino) a good game can have me feeling awesome for days as can a good movie.

Just anything I can classify as time well spent. There’s nothing worse than wasting time and knowing that it’s only being wasted. When it could be used for anything at all, I’m not sure about everyone else. But I can tell when my time’s only being wasted.

Chances are, if it makes me feel accomplished, or I learned something then it was worth it in some way.

Once again, just my personal take.

Thanks for reading, feel free to comment.

Really makes me wonder

All of these guys that live in the same city, around the same age, get on Myspace and try to hook up with the chicks they find with “hot pictures”. You know, “holla at a gurl”. Today it occurred to me that there’s a pretty good chance all of these guys would be talking to the exact same girls. Which is pretty terrible in its own.

But then you really start thinking about it and the number of girls that get attention from guys simply because of those pictures is fairly alarming, and the number of guys that must contact each of those girls on a day to day basis is much more terrifying.

I’m definitely not a fan of such behavior. Can’t say I was never into “hot chicks” when I was younger, but I never alienated a girl because she wasn’t the prettiest thing in the world. I would however be more likely to try getting to know a girl that I thought was pretty. My requirements aren’t that high though, really even now all I want is a sweetheart (though back then, I would’ve been happy with a attractive girl that was positively cruel). These people are older than me though, I guess wisdom doesn’t come with age. I would just think that people would know better, or at least have more self-respect than that.

I know, I know, it’s impossible to have everyone in the world live up to the same standards, or even to get everyone to strive to make themselves better. I still don’t think I’m better than anyone, except for an older version of myself.

Is progress bad? Is it such a terrible desire to want the absolute best from yourself? I really think not.

But I suppose that’s just me.

Indeed it’s quite depressing

There’s such a surprising number of people that just can’t use computers at all. Probably larger than the number of people that can’t read (especially considering you pretty much have to be able to read to effectively use a computer…but then again, I’ve been on enough forums online to know better). It’s just crazy, I’m personally under the thought that if you can’t use it, you probably don’t need to as you can most likely do whatever you want to other ways.

I mean yeah, I grew up with them. In fact, I learned how to read from playing video games, when my brothers weren’t home to assist me in getting into a game, and my mother didn’t feel like doing it for me, I just learned to do it myself. I know, computers aren’t exactly easier, but they’re also becoming a necessity, so I find it in a person’s best interests to either A) learn how to use one B) Figure out how to do what you want without one. That’s just my personal opinion.

Anyways, life has become a series of unknowns. For example, I don’t know what I want to do to my drumset, I don’t know where I’m headed in the next couple years, and I don’t know how I manage to stay awake around here. I can’t really complain though, i’m not too worried about it just now. I’m just having fun and bringing in a little cash for myself. If only I could control my spending a little better. Not that it REALLY matters just yet.

Unfortunately, I’m going to go now, just wanted to stop in for a bit and speak my mind a little. It would seem as though I’ve been getting less outspoken, which may be directly related to the lack of blogging. Hopefully it will change.

Ciao

Maybe this will wake me up.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted, well…anything. I honestly can’t even lie and say I’ve been busy. Truthfully, I haven’t. I’ve had the time, just not the mind for it. I think I reached that point where I was willing to give in to monotony once again, and just sit back and let things flow. It’s not easy trying to lead your own destiny. Not that anything in life is actually easy anyways. I guess in a way, some part of me enjoys the challenge.

I do grow tired of each day’s repetition, the same old people and their same old mess. I told my Christina that I wasn’t the adventurous type while she was, but after a bit of reflection, I realize I’m wrong. I’m just searching for a different kind of adventure.

I think I’ve been just down enough to give up on my personal thirst for adventure. Or to give up on my thirst for anything. It’s sad how easily life can wear a person out. I think this computer screen and air conditioning doesn’t help, I always just get sleepy. Rather quickly as well. In fact, it just makes my eyes hurt. Which doesn’t happen at home. It’s something odd with this set up. Maybe the fact that it lasts 4 hours.

Either way, I am going to make an effort to start blogging again. Can’t guarantee it will be frequently or anything, but I hope so. I’m going to go for quality over quantity, really try to map out this mind of mine some more and actually use it.

You know, be me.

Because if you can’t be yourself then you’re lost.

Now that I’m thinking about it, there will probably be multiple posts today.

21st Century CURE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdjmWtiyaLs

Industrialization has crippled the globe
(Enjoy GeneCo’s day and nighttime formula of Zydrate)
Nature failed as technology spread
(Ask a gentern if Zydrate is right for you)
And in this wake, a market erected
(Buying Zydrate from an unlicensed source is illegal)
An entire city built on top of the dead
And you can finance your bones and your kidneys
For every market, a sub-market grows.
But best you be punctual with making your payments
Lest it be you on the concrete below.

It’s quick. It’s clean. It’s pure.
It could change your life, rest assured.
It’s the 21st century cure,
And it’s my job to steal and rob GRAVES!

So why care for these petty obsessions?
Your designer heart still beats with common blood
And what if you could have genetic perfection?
Would you change who you are if you could?

‘Cos it’s quick, it’s clean, and it’s pure (all you really need is)
It could change your life, rest assured (all you’ve got to have is)
It’s the 21st century cure (all you need is surgery!)
And it’s my job to steal and rob GRAVES!
GRAVES!

[Thanks to Natalie for lyrics]
(from http://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/repothegeneticopera/21stcenturycure.htm )

Repo! The Genetic Opera. I don’t think anyone really understands how much I adore that movie. I’ve grown to appreciate the characters and music more and more with every watch. It ended up not receiving too much good praise from critics, and it wasn’t very heavily advertised, curses low budgets. However, it is absolutely an amazing movie. The characters are simply awesome. Music’s a plus as well. I have the soundtrack for easy listening in my car now.

So far I’ve done wonderfully at curbing my addiction. In fact, I would say I’m pretty much over it for now. Let’s just hope there’s no relapse.

Now that I’m back at home field, I think I’m going to have to work on further developing my charm. Since it would appear I at least have some sort. People tend to tell me that I’m “different” from other people. But not in the sense that I’m crazy either. Just some sort of refreshing. (guess they’re the crazy ones right? ) but it does make me feel nice knowing that. Makes all of those odd phases I went through during high school seem a lot more worth it. The whole feeling alone because I just didn’t agree with everyone else’s thinking. I never felt bad about it, but it did make me miserable.

I like being different.It adds to my value.

Anyways, gotta go. Shift’s about over. Ciao!

The Adventures of Library Boy #2

Thwump! The doors flung open and knocked William down as some eager being fled from the library. Perhaps that’s what William himself deserved for running. He stood and brushed himself off, a sour look on his face. Perhaps this place wasn’t so great after all. Appearances could be deceiving…Wait, no, that wasn’t the line. The line was ‘you can’t believe everything you read on the internet’ so clearly the library was just as amazing as it looked not only in real life, but on tv as well. With that understood, William pulled the doors open for himself and took a cheerful step in.

What he found was initially a surprise, but after he took some time to ponder it, it made sense. William was a sensible boy, and he could understand things. Most things. However, he would never understand why the sky was blue. The Eposomy Public library was dark. Very dark. He wasn’t sure how he missed it at first, but the building had no windows. Ingenious! No one wants their books damaged by that filth sunlight. Instead, everything was lit by candle. No electricity anywhere as far as William could see. So far he was digging this, it seemed like just the happy home he was looking for. The one thing that pleased him most was the quiet.

‘Now what am I looking for?’ William pondered to himself as he squinted his eyes and tried to take a harder look around. There was very little indication as to how to get to each different area. Whatever, he’s a smart kid and doesn’t need a map. It’s a library, everything should come natural. After a bit of aimless wandering, he found himself in the fiction, or was it non-fiction, or were these paperbacks? Didn’t matter, they were books. William grabbed one and trudged his way over to what he believed to be a table. He threw the book down and a cloud of dust sprung forth, just the way he liked it.

“Yech!” he heard the sound from nearby. It very well could have been the table. William blinked as the table began to…move?

“Who do you think you are, boy?! I’ve been sittin’ in this here spot fer twentah-five years! I don’t ‘preciate yuh juss goin’ and throwin yer stuff mah way!” the voice said.

William blinked. Then blinked again. Then again for good measure. ‘Dude.’ he thought. ‘That table is a person. I can see that, I probably wouldn’t want to leave this place for a good 25 years either.’ He patted the tableman in apology and took the nearest seat. He whipped open his book and was quite taken by surprise by the first line in his book.

Television is blasphemy! The media? Blasphemy! But the internet is a wonderful place. Full of knowledge, and everything you could ever need to know. Virtual reality–

SLAM! William shook with fury, he was not going to sit through reading this crap. TV is the ULTIMATE form of education, knowledge, entertainment, and the only reality. ‘Virtual reality my shoelaces….’ he thought.

William threw the book across the room and rose to find another when

———–

Yay crap writing and suspense endings. I kinda get off from work in 10 minutes, needed a place to wrap up. Thanks for reading, more some other time!

Boy/Not Afraid

There’s that kid again, playing in the streets
just running around, finding life’s little treats
sometimes he’ll go in, just to disappear
for what reason if any reason, it’s not quite clear
life can be rain
life can be shine
but this kid he knows all will be fine
sometimes you’ve just got to keep fighting

sometimes you’ve just got to keep fighting.

My my, things are going wonderfully since I’ve decided to put an end to my misery. Granted we all know it’s going to be a very temporary end. No one can stay happy forever. I’ve found that the hardest part to being happy is being willing to put forth the effort. When you do though, it seems like good just comes left and right. That’s typical crazy emotion for you, right?

Either way though, I think I’m doing just fine considering all I’m fighting right now. I’m fighting an unhealthy addiction (No, I’m not a smoker or a drinker, or a drug user. It’s a different addiction), I’m trying to reclaim a feeling of responsibility for things I’m involved with, and I’m getting ready to prepare for the whole claiming my own future thing, and making my own life. Independence, something I haven’t quite come to meet yet.

A byproduct of all of this would include sudden artistic freedom. I’m temporarily putting the whole trying to drum thing on hold, because man, I’m horrible. However, I’ve gotten into the habit of filling my time making random (crap) drawings in MSPaint, not because of any real talent, but because I enjoy it. Brings a smile to my face. Which in turn means it’s a good idea, on top of that it’s out of character for me. I’m not quite ready to be “defined”.

I think I’m beginning to crave some adventure. Within a certain degree anyways, life has just been too…simple lately. Mostly mindless routine activities. Which, not saying I won’t give in to that again soon, some times it’s fun being mindless. Especially since it’s about to get cold.

Anyways, between my crap useless (yet encouragingly expressive) paint drawings and poetry, along with my affection for blogging. I’m thinking I’m on a pretty good path. Apparently others are thinking so as well, I seem to be drawing more in instead of pushing things out.

This whole life thing….it’s all about perspective.

hatin’ on my drawing skills

all he wants to do is eat your brains

Yes, they are quite loving