We Are All Innocent (another repost from an old blog)

You know, I think i myself benefit a lot from these reposts, they show a lot of…who I used to be vs. what I’ve become and how in a way, its always the same me. Does that make sense? Blogging, it’s such a beautiful thing, it’s a link between the past and the present. Kinda like keeping a journal, except..you can do so much more with it, help people, show they’re not alone…

I dunno, I’m crazy you have to remember that.
Eventually I’ll cut down on the serious posts, spring’s coming

Anyways, hope everyone gathers something or another from my posts

Just glancing over these (Notice that the 2 reposts are about A YEAR apart, and the Halloween post was about 5 months ago) I’d have to say that racism = unhappiness.

Eh, I think I’m a good person. Should a good person have to be unhappy because of something like that?

By not stepping up to racism and allowing it to go on as though it’s nothing, we all add to the problems of several individuals across the world, why would we ever want to hurt anyone? Especially if they’ve done nothing to hurt us. I’m just glad the nation’s taken the first steps over the last few decades.

I think the world’s turning in the right direction, we just have to continue pushing it

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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

12:37 AM – We are all innocent Current mood: Beginning: Stressed, Middle: Frustrated, End: Satisfied Category:Blogging Alright, so, I’ve been planning on blogging all day, just because it sounded like a really good idea, and some things have been bothering me as of late, especially today for some reason or another…But, I figure I’ll start with the regular daily scheme of things… I definitely had to go to school today, just to take my driver’s ed final, then I sat around bored in the bandroom for a block, at first I had Lindsey to keep me company, but eventually she checked out, so I was left to my own personal boredom, definitely a rather obring morning, then somehow I managed to stay awake until like 3 when i got home, probably because i was on the phone with Jamie (who I just got off the phone with again) but I kinda fell asleep around 3 and didn’t wake up until like 7, but I’m still a little tired right now, and sadly enough, that wraps up the usual stuff… Now here’s where things get a little awkward…. Alright, so, I’m sure you all know what it’s like to be a little different from everyone else, right? Yeah, well, I’m entirely aware I’m different, and I really don’t mind, but I’m having a bit of a problem lately, well, aside from my normal problems that I don’t quite want to get into just yet….You see, I have a bit of a natural desire to talk to a bunch of people, and meet new people and everything, because you know, I just want to know people and have people to hang out with and stuff, yet, something inside me entirely refuses to actually go talk to anyone I don’t know or don’t normally talk to, it’s like…I dunno, I just feel like I don’t fit in with them and so I expect some awkward form of rejection or something…I dunno, I’m really not feeling like I fit in much of anywhere right now, I know I need a little change, yet I don’t know what needs changing, I’m just really not as appy as I thought I was these last couple days I think part of it’s a little stress, a little bit of pressure and frustration, wanting to get things out, yet still knowing it’s not the right time, and still doubting I actually want to put myself out there when finally do think it’s the right time….I suppose in a sense, I’m afraid, afraid of the machine called society and it’s acceptance. I’m just really not seeing where I belong as of late, no offense to any of my friends or anything, it’s just, I dunno, I’m not feeling quite right…the truth of the matter is, you don’t knoq me quite as well as you imagine you do, and I guess that’s kinda making it hard for me, maybe I’ll open up a little more for youg uys in another update or something… Back to acceptance though, I dunno, it’s just so frustrating, to quote Saul Williams, “my complexion has me stuck in an emotional rut”, first off, no one get me wrong on this, I don’t hate my skin color, I don’t hate black people, or anything, I don’t think I’m racist in the least bit, people just have me misunderstood on this (and various other things), the only complaint I have about my skin color is everyone elses apparent lack of acception for it, to be honest, I’m getting really tired of people seeing me as “the whitest black guy”, “an oreo”, and so forth, and to be really honest, I truely have been sick of it for a long time, why the hell does it actually matter what skin color someone is? For a long time, I truely just gave up on this shit, but now it just seems like it’s worth mentioning, see, for me, it’s all about personalities, while I admit, it’s not hard to start stereotyping large groups of people due to the acts of some members of the group, it’s NOT FAIR TO ANYONE. You see, people have this thing called INDIVIDUALITY, which pretty much means that just because they have some things in common with other people, it doesn’t make them the exact same…. I dunno, just seems like this sort of discrimination and what not has fucked me over various times over the years, I just really think life would be entirely different had I not bene black, or even if everyone was the same skin color, and if you think it’s not that much of a problem, you’re WRONG because it is, if you don’t believe me, look at this and try to think of how the hell it’d make you feel…. 1. You like a person of a different skin color, and it seems as though they like you back, however a parent who respects you as a person decides you can’t be together simply because of the color of your skin 2. Your friends parents don’t know you at all, but decide they shouldn’t be able to talk to you, once again, because of your skin color 3. You’re in the car with a person you don’t even really like, they’re taking you home, and you’re just kind of sitting there, thinking about who knows what, when the person decides to point out out of the blue that they wouldn’t ever date you because they were RAISED NOT TO 4. You can’t go initiate conversations, or even entirely be yourself, around people you just meet in person because you fear that they won’t fully accept you, or they’ll flat out turn you away just because of your skin color 5. Your “FRIENDS” make racist comments towards the people of your skin color IN YOUR PRESENCE Granted, there’s always more, but I figured those 5 were the ones most worth mentioning, because they hrt like hell, and actually make things pretty damn hard, and, while I may say I don’t care, or don’t mind or whatever, guess what! I’M LYING TO YOU! Why? I’m not quite sure, but most likely because I think it’s the only way I’ll be accepted or something, and the other main reason would be because I just lack the patience to screw around with it… At this point, I’m just going to be honest with you people, I’m not the guy you think I am, and at this point, you probably think I’m “emo” which, well, i’m not even going to lie, I’m emotional as hell, so, naturally, it’s hard for me to actually reach out and try new things, and definitely pretty hard for me to open up and stuff, especially to a large number of people, I’ve got a bit of a security barrier, if you can’t tell by now, and I’m truely amazed that I actually decided to type AND POST all of this, it’s courage I didn’t know I had…In case you can’t tell, I definitely beat around the bush a little at the beginning of this blog, and eventually, I finally just let it pour,and to be honest, there’s still a good bit more I haven’t posted or let out, and, well, maybe some day, you’ll all get to see that….Maybe… But, for now, I’m just going to go, it’d be nice to have a little input on this, or just something, anything if you actually stopped by and read it, I guess I just sort of want to know that someone cares, or understands, or whatever, or else bothering to post this stuff is really a waste of time and pointless

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Tags: acceptance, racism, unhappiness, frustration, confusion, inspiration, stress, hope, repost

~ by myronj906 on March 2, 2008.