In my head…A lot going on

I always struggle to come up with good titles for these things before I post them, haha, and some of the ones I end up with afterwards aren’t very accurate either.

Anyways, on topic….Anyone else think memory can be a dangerous thing?  There’s so much that builds up in there, and so many thoughts that can pop up at any time, and everything is just rushing at you, from all directions.  It can be overwhelming, draining, murderous if you’re already tired…

Meanwhile, on top of all the memories, we’ve got secrets, hidden from the world, some are our own, some belong to those close to us…It’s like carrying a weight around everywhere you go, or…keeping bricks in your pocket.

I feel like that’s a pretty good way to look at it.  Bricks are just heavy and there, weighing you down…and your pocket hides things…Wow, I’m a genius, aren’t I?

Then there’s the whole “subconscious” thing, which is…really interesting, because you do things and you just don’t know why, and then you think about it and you realize that you know exactly why you do them.

Me, I like to be counterproductive because it keeps me…I dunno, satisfied, I feel like I’m achieving something by achieving nothing.  I’d much rather do whatever I feel like doing than be a puppet to some kind of institution that attempts to force things upon me when there’s a part of my mind that just says “no, I’d just rather not do this because I don’t think it benefits me in any REAL way”

I dunno, just another elaborate thought process I go through, there’s more t it than that, but in all honesty, I haven’t slept much this past week….Perhaps it shows, I think without sleep, I think differently, I might even type differently…not sure.

I am more forgetful, that’s for sure…and my mind jumps, and if I start to think at all, my mind focuses in on my thoughts as opposed to anything around me.

Either way, I’ve got a multitude of things going on in my mind, and yet there are some things that even blogging wouldn’t be a feasible outlet for.  Things you have to experience to understand, feelings and concepts…if that makes sense….

Did you know I hate to sit still in school just because my mind is TOO active?  Because I spend my time thinking and would rather not have to sit down for hours at a time being forced to do nothing more than listen to some one speak, and then being put to work, I hate the same thing every-day tediousness of it.

and yet, I would be more than happy to have a same-thing everyday tedious job, just because it makes sense, of course I would enjoy a random job just as much.

I want to adventure, I want to get out and try new things, and yet there seems to be so little to do in this small town of mine.

There’s nothing I hate more than feeling trapped and confined.  and that’s exactly what I feel most of the time from day to day, as though everyone expects some exact thing from me

There are just some situations where rules, regulations, and organization just don’t sit well with me.

Sometimes I would prefer complete chaos, just let people do what they want.  Obviously not in all situations, but there are some where it would honestly be safe.  How about independent study that’s the best way to learn anything..you learn what you want, when you want to…and I honestly believe that everyone actually wants to learn, just not necessarily the junk that we’re fed at school, and not so much at the time that we’re taught it.

I don’t like being assigned my homework for a particular night, I don’t like people attempting to tell me how to prioritize what I do in my free time.

It annoys me when people copy each other’s work so that everyone has to work less.  I’d rather just do something and if I end up not finishing it because I’m irresponsible and can’t manage my time, that’s fine with me.

Haha, I imagine this post will get very little views, especially since it’s lengthy…there’s just really so many thoughts swirling around right now.

In all honesty, I can’t even remember ANYTHING I’ve typed up to this point.

Is pouring out your mind considered ranting?  does anyone actually care what you think, and are people negative by nature?  I don’t think we are, I think it’s the people around us as well as the wonder of life itself that gets to us…How can anyone fully thrive and grow when the rest of the world remains so unwilling to change, and so unaccepting. The rest of the world constantly attempts to cripple us whether it’s intentional or accidental, it’s pretty much endless.

Each day there’s so much I think about, and new things just continue to pop up.

There’s this girl I love, and I know I can’t have her just because that’s the way life is working out.  I’m not sure if I believe in curses, but if I do, then I would have to believe I am one of the cursed souls roaming the world.

You could say I’m crazy for thinking that, you could say it’s a normal human thought, but you would really just have to understand…

We’re all so quick to jumping to conclusions, to make assumptions.  Sometimes it takes away from us believing that there could be something extraordinary about a person,  to appreciate everyone’s little intricacies.  Sometimes we’re even so blind as to ignore another person’s flaws.

I guess the state of the world just really gets to me, how we can live and not make any effort to improve the place we live in, and make life better for everyone, and yet we complain endlessly about how shitty things are, and yet we don’t even voice our opinions, don’t even think about trying to do something just to make someone else happy. We sit, and let things get worse.

I don’t know, I’m just a kid, a very troubled kid, one whose mind speaks much more so than it should.

Someone once told me I’m too intelligent for the people I hang out with

In ways, I would agree, I often struggle from lack of true stimulation…my school work bores me, it’s not presented in any special way that makes it look interesting…Sometimes I get tired of writing answers on a sheet of paper.  Or answering a question asked out loud.

How about I get some crazy open-ended question like “What is the purpose of life?” something that really makes you think, something where there isn’t a right or wrong answer, something that is meant just to stimulate your mind.

That’s the kind of stuff I need.  I haven’t had a good intelligent conversation in a long time.  As immature as I may be, I personally think that a majority of the people around me are much less mature overall.

Intelligence, the greatest blessing, and yet the greatest curse.

I often mention how I once read that intelligent people are automatically more unhappy than unintelligent people.

I can never decide whether or not I think it’s true…

Tonight I’m feeling like it is

But it has it’s bonuses as well, by being (What I’d consider) intelligent, I’ve made myself my own master and puppet, I do whatever calls me, and let my mind and morals lead the way,

My mind is really in serious need of some true stimulation.

That’s part of why I want a girl like I described in the last post, just because to express my feelings towards her would take more resources than I could gather up, and there would be few things that would even accurately express my feelings.

Oddly enough, I do know a girl like that, but we’ve still got some artificial walls standing between us, and..I’m not sure if they’ll ever vanish, I wish they would…

It’s amazing though because I really feel like I could have an intelligent conversation with her, and I always have…as a matter of fact, we’ve had more than one, and she’s…you know, I’m not even going to go there, that’s another post that may never even surface.

However I do sometimes wish that she’d set her mind free like I attempt to free mine (rather unsuccessfully) from the confines of society, and I wish I could free mine more…

but for now I’m going to have to say ciao, because I’ve rambled, ranted, raved, and who-knows-what-elsed for far too long..

Guess it’s my way of making up for somewhat lacking updates.  Now you have plenty to read

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~ by myronj906 on April 22, 2008.